so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
