what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
