Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
