i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
