Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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