did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
