The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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