At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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