I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize