my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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