Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
