her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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