Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
