all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
