I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
