i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You took a bar mat shot.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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