Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
