ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
