im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
