Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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