i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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