I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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