I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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