Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
