: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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