I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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