i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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