he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
