sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
