I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
