Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
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