failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
