Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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