We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
