if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
