After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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