shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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