but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
