I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
