I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
