so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
