my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
