I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
