You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Randomize
