Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
