Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
