I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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