This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
no more duck duck goose at the bar
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
