Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
