I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
