Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
