shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Randomize
