Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
