dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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