Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
