Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
