is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
