I think I just saw someone hide a body.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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